Imagine that you are on a couples date or engaged in conversation at a party with another couple. Now imagine that you or your partner have good vibes about the other couple, but the other partner is thinking “no no no”. And then THE question comes up and you haven’t had the chance to sync up.

There are a number of different strategies for dealing with this…

One might be an agreement that if one of you thinks “yes”, you do not respond until the other has had a chance to offer a canned excuse. But that can lead to a long awkward silence.

Another might be to simply ask to be excused as a couple to discuss it. But finding a discreet place to talk might not be convenient.

Our preferred strategy is a simple system of silent communication. We use love taps.

1 unsolicited tap means “What do you think?” 1 tap in response to something means “I didn’t understand”. Only trick with this one is to make sure that you have your partner’s attention or it could go un-noticed.

2 taps means “No” (two letters).

3 taps means “Yes” (three letters).

4 taps means “I love you”. (This might also be good to use even while playing with another couple to remind each other that you are really there as part of your relationship, not as a replacement.)

You can add more, but remember simpler is easier to remember under pressure.

Another approach you may use is a special code word or phrase. For example, if my partner says “we need to go home and check on the dog” that tells me that he/she is just not interested. You might say something like “I am so glad the dog is feeling better” if you are interested. Or if I ask “should we go fishing this weekend?” is another way to find out if my partner thinks there is chemistry or not. Depending on the response, such as, “I would like too, but this might not be the best weekend” tells me that there is some chemistry but not to rush things. And of course, I am always hoping for the excited “Yes, I would love to go fishing!!” Planning your phrases or words ahead of time may help you get out of an uncomfortable situation or help get you into a LUCKY one!

Use your discreet signals, words or phrases before THE question, and you’ll be better prepared to either say “Hell yeah, let’s go!” or to offer your canned excuse. If THE question comes up before you have had the chance to silently communicate, it is still a discreet way of syncing up quickly.